OK, so this week was a challenge...I know that I am good at what I do...actually I am very good..but I have let myself take a back seat...part of being overweight makes you believe that you don't deserve success...and respect...we let our self be "OK" with the minimum...we want to blend with the crowd because you don't want to stand out...you don't want people to notice...the more invisible the better. If we could become part of the wall it would be so much better...I have let myself become satisfied with the mediocre...minimum success, respect and love....we hide within our large bodies...I used to hear people say "the real you is in there and just bursting to get out"
Well, I think I have begun to find that person deep, deep down inside...she is screaming at me..to take my place in this world and make people become aware of who I really am. I am still getting to know that person...she is such a stranger to me...she is so strong...she believes in herself and she demands respect....but wait....that IS me....why is she so muted and stuffed down deep inside me??
I think I have become comfortable with being "half ass"...all I have been doing is fulfilling my destiny half way....I need to be the full and complete person I am supposed to be..
I am going to find that person who is hiding inside of me and little by little I am going to let her out...I realize everyday that I have the most wonderful people in my world...I realized that I didn't treat some them fairly and my insecurity caused me to hurt people that I would never want to hurt...I am gonna do better....
In lap band world...I think I need an adjustment...I seem to need a little more food than usual...and that scares me...I don't want to fall into the same habits...I have been taking a little license with my food...a little to much eating out...and maybe not the right foods...a scary place for me...so I have to pull it back...way back...
I am going to go back to step one....and keep it real....
I am a little lonely these days....but that will get better...I am trying to be more social...gonna find that special person...but if I don't it's OK too...cuz I am a whole person don't need someone to make me whole....I always thought that I needed a man to make me whole...but now I realize that would make me only half a person and I am not a half....I am a whole woman with so much to offer the right man....but if he is out there...God will show him where to find me...and I will be ready...
Well, I hope the next few days are good for all of us...................
CL8 y'all
Growing up at 51..A close look at who I was before and who I am becoming by way of lap band surgery..career experiences...man/woman drama, friends and family relationships...basically ALL of the ups and downs...the never ending roller coaster...
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I think the scary part of stepping out of the shadow and raising your standards is 'success'.. then you do more and people expect more and you are working harder..obvioulsy it is great but it can feel uncomfortable. I wish you the best in doscovering the new you.
ReplyDeleteEven being married can be lonely sometimes. even here in England I have looked into meetup.com and found groups that have my like interests. I have signed up for two and although I don't always get the chance to go, I signed up and it holds me accountable to look it up and see what is going on. I think just doing what you like in groups is great for your sense of finding yourself, new friends, and whatever else may come . It makes you a more interesting person if you have interests..is what I have realized.
It is so wonderful to see you keeping yourself in check. You owe it to yourself and best of luck in getting back on track.. what is CL8?