I never thought that lap band surgery would make me so vulnerable in so many parts of my life. The fact that I have to constantly think of my food is overwhelming at times...before surgery I always thought of food...but those thoughts were about what I wanted to eat at the time and where I could get it and how much of it I wanted to eat. The gratification was the goal...
Now it is all different...I have to think of food now also...but it is more about...did I get in enough protein today...don't eat "empty" calories...chew...put down the fork while you chew...chew...and don't panic when the the food gets stuck...it's a constant everyday..all day thing..
I have had a few really bad times when the food got stuck..it wouldn't pass and then I couldn't breathe...then I panicked...I have to remember to breathe and think that this, too, shall pass (pun intended)...and it usually does...thank God!!

Those are the physical things but the emotional changes are even more staggering. I never was one for confrontation...but now it seems that I shy away from it even more...I feel fragile...people tell me that it is normal...but it worries me. I am afraid that if confronted I won't be strong enough to stand up for myself. And I don't understand it...I feel so much better about myself..I try to love and respect myself more...but NOW I feel weak and fragile...how can that be?? How can I be like this now...but instead of letting this get me down...I am going to use it to make me stronger and more resilient...how about that....(I will let you know how it works out)....

On the positive side..we had a great party for my dad and a good time was had by all...a couple of uncomfortable moments but nothing major...seeing Bianca, my niece, was so amazing...she is such a beautiful little girl...it was a great to see her.
I was able to spend the night at a local hotel...which was nice...just to be away from home and with other people was sooooo nice. I had a great facial....mmmmmmmmm I love facials... I was able to spend some time with some of the people that work at my office that I don't always get to talk to. I learned a lot about them...it was very nice.

I am still looking to change certain parts of my life...but I have to do that in a positive way...one day at a time and one thing at a time...

Well, my birthday is coming up and I normally have a tough time with it...but I feel more positive about it this year...let's see how it goes...
My wish would be to spend it with family and as many friends as possible...I love that!!!

FCG will be coming home soon...can't wait...

Anyway, on to the next few days....