....a long time

Hello all...
It has been quite a long time and so much has happened...
First things first...
Lapband life: It has been quite a struggle...I can't get the weight loss to keep going. I realize that I was one of those people that had it in her mind that the surgery was the solution and the weight would just fall off and I get to live happily ever after...but guess what it is so NOT like that. The surgery is only a tool...I STILL have to do the work...my brain is my own worst enemy sometimes...yes, I had the surgery but I did nothing to change my thoughts, feelings and old habits. I have been in that dark part of my mind...the part where I don't do anything to improve my life. I think I need to get some therapy..I must get out of this dark place...I need help...and suggestions from those wiser than me....

Work: I left my position in Century City and have been trying to re-build my business and client base. This is risky but I had to do it...I will keep you updated on how this is going.

Family: I feel like there is a big gap growing between me and my immediate family. They all have their lives now...their own things to do and I feel so left out! I have to make a life of my own and not depend so much on them for fulfillment and happiness....but how do I do that??
My dad fell and cut his hand and had to get 6 stitches...I felt that I should have been there for him...should I take better care of him...is that my duty as the eldest daughter? I feel like my sisters feel that because I am the single one that it should be my job...is it? I don't know...
There is so much negativity between my dad and his brothers and sister...my grandfather left most everything to the youngest son and he has kept what should belong to all of them. Unfortunately, we, the children suffer also...I have lost relationships with most of my cousins because of the never ending drama that goes on in the family. I hope that one day we, as cousins, can all come together and show the elders that family and love come before everything.
There are secrets...so many secrets...but do I have the right to reveal them...would it do more harm than good? My grandfather continues to create havoc even from his grave...why was he so mean? Why couldn't he be like other grandfathers that loved his family and would do anything for them...He should have been the one to help teach how to love and keep the family together....but he did just the opposite...very sad....

Oh well, I know this all sounds so negative but it's what is going on right now...I rely on my faith in God and in myself to make things better. and I WILL do so...it's just gonna take time and determination...

I promise to write more often...no really I DO...

Until then...
C-L8 y'all